a LiFe Of A jElLyFiSh In A sEa Of JeLlYfIsHeS

Back =)

2011-02-07T22:35:00.002+08:00

I live cos of my parents when i was very young
I live to play when i was a toddler
I live to study when i went to school
I live to not be a burden when I was older
Now I live to support my family
I don't want to live for my husband later on, then my children and then to travel the world. The list will never end like this and in the end it all comes to nothing.

100 years later, who will know how much money i earn and all my achievements? It all comes to nothing, gone like the wind.

The sun says that the clouds are stronger than it cos they block the sun
The clouds say that the wind is stronger than they cos it moves them
The wind says that the mountain is stronger than it cos it stays rooted to the ground no matter how strong the wind is
The mountain says that humans are stronger than it cos they make a huge hole in it

BUT...

The sun, clouds, wind and mountain can kill people. Now who's the strongest?

WHAT IS MY VISION?!?!?! What am i strong at? What am i supposed to do now? Study? Get married? Stop working? Change job? Stay and build up my muscles? Stay for good? GOD!

thanksgiving

2009-08-06T18:01:00.004+08:00

Finally, I am doing something constructive. I want to give thanks for the Lord for all these and they are for my rememberance to build up my faith.

My aunt is a disciple of God and she loves us so much to do everything to bring my siblings and I to God.
My fear of losing my mother therefore always sticking to her since a child has been permanently gone forever.
My sister is very excited for God.
My brother did not stray away from God.
The Lord sustains me.
My cousin came back to the Lord together with his father.
God loves me and everyone else too.
My piss-off-ness is gone with the wind with minimal residues.
Both my arrogance and rebellion are discovered and I am dealing with it.
My small prayers are answered such as the bus and mrt to come quick and wait for me.
My self-esteem is gradually building up.
I have more friends now.
I am living with a purpose.
I graduated from polytechnic.
My parents and grandmother are still well and alive.
I can prophesise!
I am back to learning piano!
I am part of the Fire Golden Eagles.
I think I am a less emo-kia.
We came back from China in one piece and we caught the plane even though we were very late because the plane was delayed. Praise the Lord!
We did not have to face the person we were afraid of and got more time to explore.
We had money from the dance competition we were forced to be in to eat the Peking duck.
I am going in to Pru and tour around the world.
Breakthrough in my mind!!!
I can speak in tongues
I can hear God's voice and see visions!!!
and my list will go on... =D

I love You, God, for You first loved me and gave Your Son for me.

God is an awsome God

2009-06-05T10:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I just realised I missed my appeal deadline. Before I realised that, I was still sort of singing out a song from my spirit I think and after that sang the above song. Today, when I woke up, I read the part on the bible which I am supposed to read yesterday and they were all about persuing the things of God without fear. When I came out of the room, the Straits Times dated yesterday with the article about how to deal with setbacks on my table. My mom wanted me to read it. Cool huh, despite my disappointment with myself. God is really living in our midst.

birthday wishes

2009-05-09T23:04:00.002+08:00

Just want to acknowledge those who blessed me with birthday wishes and presents. =D Here goes: All thanks to adeline, li zhen, li shean, uncle hua ching, yvonne, madeline, wei lian, tracy, huiwen, jordan, yanning, michelle, nat, esther, ms mawar and valerie for birthday wishes.
Thanks also to those who wished me Happy Birthday only on that day itself after I told them. =D
Thanks also for the yyb family for everything!
Thanks ah kim, ah ee, michelle, jie ming hui, auntie doreen, jie anne, janah, tracy, yvonne, michelle and faith for the birthday presents.
Thanks miracle, bernice, yvnonne, li zhen and tracy for the cards. =D
Thanks mummy for the ang bao lol.
Thanks auntie florence for all the food and the house.
Hope I didn't miss anyone out.

I just hope that I can thank more people for the presents lol.

growth

2009-04-14T00:11:00.002+08:00

Just as what Russel said, he didn't know that what he did was that good to be praised, I have felt that too - today. Cannot believe that I have grown that much in these 49 days, and it hasn't ended yet. Well, I would expect a leap growth in me as this Jesus Bride 4 draws to an end. I just gave some cheap food as presents which I know I would not have done when it was the old me. However, I did not see it as something to be praised for. Now, looking back, I just so many things to thank God for. Never ending to be specific. Even small sweet things like immediate buses, short distance tom pang are just so significant in my life at that point of time.

Well, it is seriously time to die to myself and reach out to love people and be ready to get hurt. I think that this feeling is just not as real when watching shows compared to the original experience. God's heartfelt feelings for us all the time. He wants to be our or rather, my husband. Am I ready? The ring on my hand just doesn't mean anything to me. It is not possible for me to get intimate without getting hurt huh. Maybe I should seriously ask for a boyfriend now so that I can bring imagination to a higher level. I just cannot imagine loving someone so much that I cannot let go. Doubt I ever felt that before. LOVE is a common yet distant word for me. Cannot be grasped. I should also ask for disciples now to experience it. Come forth disciples - from all over the world!!!

face it! don't run away!!!

prophetess

2009-04-05T23:29:00.002+08:00

Woohoo! I am a young powerful prophetess in the making!!! Series of events...

Thursday
Got rebuked by my aunt for dishonouring her. Didn't know I had a problem of honouring people. Was singled out. It went deep into my spirit. Wanted to change. Got out and spoke my thought and confessed my sins. Clinton prayed for me and I broke through.

Friday
Thought was the end, but not. Got rebuked early in the morning at 5am that I shouldn't stay in jealousy. Should imitate clinton and he imitates Christ. Made a deal with my aunt to go out and speak and pray for those who go out and speak together with my sister. We went out and wanted to pray for the person but got a surprise instead. Clinton prayed for us to release us to prophesise to others, making our vision come to pass. He was there to teach me to prophesise to my first guinea pig, my small mentor, ming hui jie jie. Prayed in tongues for very long but could see nothing. Finally did and it was very zun.
Did a lot of prophesying on that day. I was even blindfolded. I also prophesied over pastor. So cool and fun and powerful. The whole experience was very exciting. People even came up to me to ask me to prophesise. I know it is very humbling to do so.

Saturday
Had a sheep!!!! Haha. I have become a small mentor by praying over justin to have a spirit of prophesy. Damn cool haha. But how? My beloved brother...

Today
Had doubts since the day I started prophesying. I don't know how long I can keep it up. I had to deal with myself not to be proud and not to loose faith. By prophesying to so many people, I know God's heart more and can see His great power and His unlimited blessings for us. In a way, I got closer to God. =) Thank you Jesus, Allos Parakletos, Abba Father.

ai wo arigatou

so fun =D

2009-03-28T22:58:00.003+08:00

Saw val and pei zhi yesterday. They were so nice to come and see and talk to me haha. Giving thanks to God. Finally saw jian zong's brother before I really leave school. He looks so much younger than jian zong haha. So cool. Val is his brother's sl and I am his sl. His brother became sl after val and what he doesn't know is that sharon has already chosen him as the next sl after me. LOL.

Today is earth day!!! Amazingly, my parents and I switched off the lights for 1 hour with some other familes. We saw windows opened and lights off!!! Cool. My mom was the leader of this haha. Althought I was watching shows on my lappy all the time, I felt that this is really fun spending time with the family like this. =D Love it.

A new world opens up to me - a bright and cheery one. Don't know why, my friends near me start to say thank you and just won't be put off my me. Even if put off, they still come back to me without me making the first move. I find it hard to put away my ego but they are still my friends nevertheless. My heart is touched. Can I be such a friend or even better? That is for us to find out together. My character will change for the better, because Jesus is in me.

Finally, a positive post
By the way, my God is the great Yahweh. The Lord my God will be with me wherever I go. He will not leave me nor forsake me. He brings me through all things, both good and bad. His grace and mercy is sufficient for me.

Thank You Jesus Christ for Your blood shed on the cross that washes away all my sins, that I may become pure and blameless in Your sight. =D

confusion

2009-03-07T23:20:00.002+08:00

Confused. Really. Last night, I was so motivated by the Lord when He reminded me about my prophesy of being a lioness and a prophet. He also reminded me on the unfulfilled promises for the last 2 years. I am so extremely convicted to work hard for things and go for it. However, He raised me up when I was down yesterday but pushed me down today for being prideful. Ah ee pushed it deep within me that being filled with demons is my decision and my god is hatred. Well, I naturally shot back a no and wanted to share my new found joy. Before I left, my sister spoke to me and we kena scolding. I reactively shot both my eyes to her and felt like shutting her up. Shit. Damn it. Before that, I 'humbly' told God let not my will but His be done, although I wanted to speak. I told Him in my heart, "prove me wrong that I am not filled with hatred". He did and I totally failed the test. The killing intent was within me and it is what a fool does showing his anger immediately. A wise man holds back. WTH. Proved me wrong all right. So what? I should brood my god or work for things? Is my motivation to be killed just like that? The moment I talked to my friends in co, I felt at home, although the topic is so not holy. My home is really my hiding place. Oh how I love to dwell in my house, not the house of God. I feel so restricted there, a problematic kid. Not worth the effort of my aunt to change me. This is my blog right? I am just sharing my feelings. It doesn't have to be right. I believe I know a lot of things and it destroys me. I don't have the mind to sit down and listen. 'I know myself too well' I sort of force myself to be what I am going to be after some 'trauma' happens. Sort of 'I will close up, I will shut down, I will blah blah...' I know too well, to actually ya right... whatever. I feel so liberated now as I am at home typing this.

Well deserved break?

What am I to do now? Multi-task? Chase after, cast out demons and change my God? Or do it one at a time? How do I go about it? This sounds like a project which I have to submit soon. Advice? Ok this sounds like writing in to the teenage magazine to find solutions to some growing up problems. By the way, I don't like taking responsibilities. This IS a growing up problem right? Hope it is common enough. I don't want to be alone lol.

sigh...

2009-02-26T22:17:00.002+08:00

Ok. Did I mention I complained to God a few days ago? Yup and when I was bathing today, I realised that even before I complained, it has already reached God's sharp ears. Well everyone knows that I need to step out of the cozy little house and reach out to others. I am doing my best and yes, I find it extremely difficult to do so. I mean even I don't always see my mother at home every day for more than a few hours, what about friends? Everyone has their own things to do and arranging a meet up is a tiring task, I would say.
Amazing thing that happened was that there are no lessons these 2 Saturdays. Whoho, when my friend can only meet me on Saturdays. Cool huh? Yup and I had a more positive dream where I could run faster and avoid disasters but my next challenge is helping and reaching out without being frustrated. Ming Hui jie jie also had a vision of me about reaching out too. Oh well...

Another thing I want to complain to God! Am I undergoing training for something that is worse to come? Which one is worse?

Ants crawling on your body
Lizard touching you
Giant mosquito flying around your ears when you are sleeping
Baby cockroach climbing on your face
Beetle in your hair
Beetle hiding underneath your shirt when you are wearing it
Huge cockroach keep flying around
Huge bee like wasp flying around
Beetle flying around
Flying ants flying around the light mating, lost their wings and suddenly dropped right in front of you
Tiny flying ants suddenly drop and die right in front of you

Well I should not continue to bore you. The list could go on. These are what happened to me before by the way. The most recent is point number 6. Euuu. Disgusting freaks. No amount of screams can express my anger.

By the way, my handphone dropped on the floor and it is beyond repair. If the next handphone I can get is 20 months after the previous purchase, I still have to wait for 6 more months. Argh

Hallelujah. Praise the Lord! What can I say? The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King

2009-02-17T00:31:00.002+08:00

Ok, I know I am VERY late, but nevertheless, this is a very nice movie. At parts of the movie, I asked myself how is this possible? Such as why frodo cannot trust sam? Well, as I grow up, I find that increasingly impossible to trust. How many times have I made empty promises, gave people false hope and also get back stabbed?

Battle scenes...
FEAR
I realised, a good leader is not one who is fearful, but who because of the faith that is in them and the need to succeed, does an excellent job to encourage his/her people. No one has no fear, but everyone has to move on. What needs to be done, needs to be done. Be strong and courageous. Fight for it, even when hope is frail, there is still hope.

FIGHT. In the body of Christ, everyone plays a part. Whether you are the one who kills the opposing leader, normal soldiers, or even forging swords, giving birth lol. Well, someone has to take care of the next generation inheriting the land.

happy incidents

2009-02-04T22:39:00.002+08:00

Is it I simplify things too much, others expect too little of me or just that I am different from other people?

1. The dentist that is attending to my braces is worried that I am unhappy and insecure about the change in dentist in charge. He complimented me on how well I had been doing being his patient and how well my teeth had changed for the better beyond expectations.
I was not angry nor worried. I had total confidence in the dentist and their professionalism.

2. I just prayed like any other person and my leader was really happy and complimented me.

Conclusion: weird

confusion

2009-01-31T12:32:00.002+08:00

Aiya, always when I am going to sleep then I will think about a lot of things. Now that I want to write the blog, I cannot really remember what I thought about. -_-

I think technopreneur is only a minor leh. I need a major!!! Dots. How how how? Should I go for the smu talk in addition to the ntu and nus talk? Haiz...

I am like floating around, not concentrating, not having the motivation to hide my irritation blah and blah... Urgh. Irritated again lol. Be thankful if you are my hi bye friend lol. Well, that is networking right? Haha.

research paper research paper research paper...

looking inside

2009-01-28T22:59:00.002+08:00

Haha. So long didn't blog le. Sorry to say that now I am going to write an emo post.

Well, for now, I feel like a SOULESS BODY. It will be a miracle for me to change to like people. I feel irritated (again) and seriously, missing people is not my forte...I think.

Hmm...I am going to graduate soon! =)

life in suzhou

2008-11-11T19:39:00.006+08:00

SIANZZZ...

Other than work is sleep. Entertainment includes going out and shop, visit tourist attractions and using internet with limited access to some websites.

It is really getting cold outside. I even wear a t-shirt below my uniform when I go to work. It is that cold. Winter is coming. Yeah!!!

Looking forward to going home soon. Miss the comfort of being at home and the people. I will think twice if I am given an opportunity to go overseas to study. I doubt that God wants me to go too haha. My goal is technoprenuer in NUS. I miss music. Seriously.

Picture time!!!

them ostracising me

that uncle was riding his bicycle or tricycle

西山

hostel living quarters

judy's (chun yan) house

see that girl at the corner? friend I got to know in church

friends

church

me in front office uniform

china - suzhou culture shock

2008-10-03T21:34:00.004+08:00

Hi peeps! Long time no see haha. I am currently in China-Suzhou doing my internship!!! There are many things to blog about but I shall talk about the culture shock for now.

1) There are no doors in the bathroom!!! Only a separator to indicate how many people can bath at the same time.

2) People sleep without clothes on!!!

3) I know that because I stay in a hostel containing almost 20 people in our room.

4) Well, there is this thing of pushing each other if one block another's way. China's population is huge.

5) Really, don't go out on public holidays. So many people!!! But there are lots of discounts on national day holidays.

6) The road direction is different from ours. The same with their driver seat.

7) More bicycles and electrical motors on the road than cars.

8) Many drivers don't follow traffic lights.

10) Their traffic light crossing is defined by zebra crossing lines on the road. Mind you, there are no such thing as zebra crossings.

11) There are a lot of small roads in residential areas.

12) The buses make it seem like it is always the peak period.

13) The toilets are mostly squatting ones.

14) If there is no price tag, please haggle as much as you can.

15) Their streest are so long and far apart. One street is as long as orchard road.

16) It takes ages to walk. Please take a bus.

17) The roads are so dusty. Everytime I go out for the whole day, my feet are covered with dust.

18) Things are cheap here, but don't buy a lot because money will still fly from your hands faster than you expect.

19) People spit on the ground, yes more than us.

20) The street names are all in chinese!!! Ok expected. There are english translations for those huge road signs.

21) There is a dialect unique to suzhou. Yes there is.

22) International randed goods are a lot more expensive than back home.

23) I now understand why our zoo is considered one of the best.

24) Even the bus stops here are built like the construction of ancient times.

25) It takes only RMB a dollar to get on a bus. Air-conditioned RMB2. Regardless of where you stop.

26) People don't change coins for you, so there was one time where we had to sit a motor operated 'tricycle' home. Need to haggle.

27) It only takes RMB10 to take a taxi for about 5-10min.

28) It only takes about RMB5 to get a proper and extremely filling meal.

29) They eat a lot!!! I think I am slowly adapting to the food portions. OH NO!!!

30) 6am - very bright. 6pm - very dark.

I am sleeping in basement!!! Ok I shall stop here haha. See ya all soon!!!

Another feeling post lol

2008-09-09T15:42:00.002+08:00

Everyone has their own circle of friends and no one can ever share a another person's entire life. Therefore, I conclude that I must make many many more quality friends. =D

September wind

2008-09-09T15:06:00.002+08:00

Now, I really know that the september wind is very special and unique in a physical way. I remember that the wind always blow through my kitchen window, which is currently my right hand side. However, when september started, the wind now blows through my room window, which is currently at my left hand side. Therefore, many times during the night, the fan is not switched on but my brother and I can still wrap ourselves around with the blanket. So cool!!! Haha.

Yesterday, I was almost close to tears. I bought 10 bottles of 2 litres of orange concentrate and took buses to school. In my right hand, I was holding 6 bottles while my left hand held 4 bottles. No one was there to help me. I walked quite long distances, stopping after a little while to rest my arms. Thank God the buses was there when I was near the bus stops, so I didn't get to school too late. It was then that I finally felt that I was really weak and asked God to give me strength. I also made a promise that I should help old people carry stuffs when I see that they are having difficulty doing so. I finally understand how they feel. Similarly, I also understand how weight lifters feel. My legs were so wobbly when climbing up bus steps that I felt that I was going to fall. Legs play a huge part in lifting weights too. The bus uncle's sympathetic questions made me feel happy that actually someone cared. Called jordan once I was in bus 15 to help me take the bottles from school bus stop to co room. When I saw him, I was thinking in my heart, "I am saved." I have never felt so relieved in my life except for times when I was lost.

Thank God for giving me strength. Love Him! =) I have never thought of passing this weight lifting test. Oh ya, did I mention that I was perspiring all over? Great exercise for me. Now, the joints connecting my arms to my back is hurting, so is my entire right arm.

When I was thinking of what to pray for this morning, I was thinking about all the wonderful moments that I had yesterday. I think God wants me to be joyful in Him. There was also this song in my spirit (with faith I say this) which I decided to sing it out loud, "耶和华喜乐灵现在来充满我，使我灵唱出喜乐赞美的诗歌。我的口若不发出喜乐的声音，主要兴起石头来赞美。。。" I was also very thankful for the time I spent with my aunt, nat, mich and bernice on sunday. Very fun, which also opened my eyes to inside secrets haha. Actually, they are not really secrets (you know I am very oblivious to my surroundings), but some things that all knows except me. Oh well haha, now that I know, I am very happy.

time passes so fast, I will be flying in 6 days time...

joy

2008-09-07T00:27:00.002+08:00

My aunt said before that God set above the rest by giving us joy. It is written somewhere in the bible I think. Yup, plus this is my vision. I am going to fulfil it now. =) I am above the rest by having the joy of the Lord in me!!!

I think I should just stop thinking that crying is what a weakling does. I know I cry a lot but I think I have been resisting to cry at the appropriate times. Oh well, I should make myself vulnerable. It will definitely hurt, but it is the right thing to do. I saw on one of my friend's msn nick: "love is about giving someone the power to hurt you but trusting they won't." He has a lot of insight. Being transparent and nothing to hide is good because I don't have to be afraid of someone else knowing the truth. No maintenance needs to be done lol.

On another note, do you realise that the words are pink in this blogskin? "Come on, just show your true self that God made you to be! You are a girl!!!" Ok I shall be miss pinky for now. =P

(:

2008-09-05T15:32:00.002+08:00

You Are a Beagle Puppy

Cheerful, energetic, and happy go lucky.

And you're sense of smell is absolutely amazing!

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

You Are As Cool As They Come

Rational and relaxed, no one could accuse you of being dramatic.

You roll with the punches, and nothing ever gets you too worked up.

You are able to maintain perspective and see the big picture.

And even if you're emotional inside, you don't let it show.

You're great at keeping it together, and you're rewarded for that.

People see you as an ideal friend, employee, and partner.

Are You a Drama Queen (or King)?

You Are a Snowflake

You live for the winter - blizzards, cold nights, snowball fights! The holidays are just a bonus!

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

Your Life is 52% Green

Your life is pretty green - and you know a lot about how to live an eco friendly life.

So congratulate yourself for being good to the earth. And maybe think about implementing some of the ideas from this quiz!

How Green Is Your Life?

2008-08-31T00:53:00.000+08:00

You Are a Question Mark

You seek knowledge and insight in every form possible. You love learning.

And while you know a lot, you don't act like a know it all. You're open to learning you're wrong.

You ask a lot of questions, collect a lot of data, and always dig deep to find out more.

You're naturally curious and inquisitive. You jump to ask a question when the opportunity arises.

Your friends see you as interesting, insightful, and thought provoking.

(But they're not always up for the intense inquisitions that you love!)

You excel in: Higher education

You get along best with: The Comma

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

FEEL

2008-08-31T00:34:00.002+08:00

I FEEL that no point talking. Talk also must hide, if don't hide and expose myself, it just seems like no one cares. I mean, baring myself and cliche doesn't make any difference. NO ONE CARES. So, why bother to make yourself vulnerable when no one wants to know your weak points and poke you and joke with you about it? Well, in times of MY need, I will suddenly be so understanding because I am so broken. I can empathise for those as broken as me. By typing this I didn't accuse you right? Ok but the opposite is, during good times, who cares lar! I mean I am at the top of the world. What matters is me, me and still me. Well, I is a bit short and myself is too long. Anyway, the main point is NO ONE CARES. Hello, did I make it clear enough? NO ONE CARES. I hope you got the point.

Thank you for visiting this NO ONE CARES place and reading this NO ONE CARES post.
*me clapping for myself*

Somehow I am feeling so proud of myself being able to write this post in such good english haha

hello someone pull me down please
thanks

exams

2008-08-28T16:22:00.002+08:00

This is the first time I am so not confident of doing well in all of my exams. I was really truly relying on God and Him alone. I could not really memorise the subjects as exams ended one after another. The exams got more and more difficult. For all the exams, I was really praying in tongues and I could not really think of the answers in the beginning. After I have done all that I know, I went back to do the front questions and thoughts just flow into my mind. Really thank God for this. I seriously could not have done it without Him. Without Him, I would have become crazy right now haha. Really, MIRACLE. Ok, let's just wait for the next miracle, that somehow when my results are out, I get all As. Muahahaha. LOL. =D

=)

2008-08-17T23:41:00.000+08:00

Your English Skills:

Grammar: 100%

Punctuation: 60%

Spelling: 60%

Vocabulary: 20%

Does Your English Cut the Mustard?

heart at peace

2008-08-17T22:56:00.002+08:00

After jie ming hui prayed for me during the impact youth service, well I can say that I am refreshed! I am confirm going to china!!! Hurray!!! Yup it was the spirit of fear and uncertainty that was plaguing me. Well, now that I know of it and she casted them out of me, I can say that my heart is finally at peace. Love it haha. But after that I couldn't really concentrate on worshiping. I think that this is bad...

blogthings

2008-08-13T23:45:00.003+08:00

I did a number of quizes cos I felt very sian... some of which are not to be revealed haha.

You Are 12% Girly

Um... you're a guy, right? If not, you're the most boyish girl in the world.

And for you, that's probably the ultimate compliment.

How Girly Are You?

What Your Taste in Chocolate Says About You

You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied.

You don't like anything too intense and dramatic.

Deep down, you're a kid at heart... and you're nostalgic for the past.

You are emotionally expressive and sensitive.

You're effected by everything around you.

Your friends appreciate your open heart, but they are afraid of hurting your feelings.

You love being by yourself and thinking. Developing your own theories and ideas is fun.

You feel lost when you're forced to be social. Being with other people can be lonely for you.

The Chocolate Oracle

Oh my, this is so true. Haha.

Your Ice Cream Personality:

You are an incredibly modest person. You don't feel comfortable bragging about yourself... or even receiving complements.

You have a wild reputation, but you're not as wild as you seem. You take risks, but only measured risks.

You are a somewhat open minded person, but deep down you're fairly conservative. You don't like trying new things very much. And if you do find something new you like, you stick with it.

You are a natural multitasker. You feel alive when you're doing more than one thing at a time.

You can be a big dramatic and over the top sometimes. You are bold in every way

The Ice Cream Personality Test

You Are A Chocolate Ice Cream Girl

Dramatic. Powerful. Flirty.

What Flavor Ice Cream Girl Are You?

I like the chocolate ice cream but not the description

You Are Strawberry Pocky

Your attitude: fresh and sweet

Comforting, yet quirky ... quietly hyper

You always see both sides to everything

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

You are "Sleeping"

What Japanese Smiley Are You?

You Are: 20% Dog, 80% Cat

You are are almost exactly like a cat.

You're intelligent, independent, and set on getting your way.

And there's no way you're going to fetch a paper for anyone!

Are You More Cat or Dog?

What Your Flip Flops Say About You

You are crazy, and mostly in a good way.

You have wild ideas, many of which seem drug induced.

You are open to new experiences, and you are a bit of a drifter.

You're never sure what you'll be doing tomorrow.. and you like it that way.

Your ideal warm weather place: the Gold Coast of Australia

The Flip Flop Test

Ok it's enough and late. I should stop.

God is good =)

2008-08-13T22:21:00.002+08:00

Haha. Yesterday was a great day for me. I decided to go for lesson although the whole class decided to pon. Only those who need to take the test and used up their leave will go. However, I felt that it was only right to go, but I don't want to look stupid. So I asked God to just help me and he brought sock and mesy there too! Wahhh!!! I am so extremely thankful to Him. I am glad I obeyed. After that, I felt so liberated and watched finished the entire hanazakarino kimitachihe japanese version drama. Was extremely satisfied. =D

Oh ya, and today, I got hershey's from Ms Quah! Love her! Haha. She is different from other teachers. She really wants us to learn from our mistakes and knows how to handle kids like us. =) By the way, I went shopping on my own and got the intercessory prayer book I wanted to buy! I also saw the "Meet Him at the well" or something like that which I also wanted to buy, but I think it is not applicable to me yet, so I just let it go. Also I saw the "lies young women believe". Wanted to buy but also found it inapplicable. Oh well.

friendster fan profiles

2008-08-08T13:19:00.002+08:00

Was looking through some friendster fan profiles just now and I am really doubting the identity of the idols, namely japanese ones since I was looking at them. Anyway, the details of the profile was typed in third person and mostly in English. Yup, don't think is the real person himself. Just my opinion. No offense here.

I really want to go Japan soon!!!

赤壁

2008-08-08T12:38:00.000+08:00

Wahhhh!!! This show is very nice. Don't know why I almost had no feeling during fighting scenes. It is was tracy that keep on eeing.

For me, the most attractive part of the movie is the humour between men. Cannot stand it. If I didn't remember wrongly, 周瑜 asked 诸葛亮 whether he knows something a not. He replied with:" 略懂 ". End up he knows alot about that thing. Then he asked him another question and he replied with the same answer and I started laughing already. =)
Next is the battle formations. 诸葛亮 saw one of 周瑜's army battle formation and commented to another person that it is 过时. 周瑜 heard it and told 诸葛亮 :" 刚才我听见你说我们布的阵已经过时了。" 诸葛亮 replied with something like:" 我讲得那么小声你都听到。" Then 周瑜 said:" 对啊。我的耳朵很灵。" Then I could not help but started laughing loudly. Furthermore, 孙尚香 did a lot of pressing others' acupoints which was very funny. Haha. I love it. =)

prophesy again =)

2008-08-02T23:51:00.003+08:00

Yay! This time, I have another prophesy and it is something I like. I will play the piano well and will compose songs. Most of the songs will be only between God and me and not to be released to others. However, there are still songs that will only be shared in a small group. So cool.

These are the lessons we learnt.

Worry is the worst exercise that make you sick.
All religions are around to have needs met.
Pagan does not refer to an evil person or someone who do not worship God. Rather, it refers to RELIGIOUS people.
Meditate on Matthew 6:25-33
So how do you pray? Start at Matthew 6:9

top table

2008-08-01T00:54:00.002+08:00

Haha. Met with grace only today to eat at the top table. Jie ming hui and nat couldn't make it last min, so I met grace with a heavy heart. Thank God, she still wanted to eat at top table. Reached there, read the menu and was really happy - there is Japanese set meal!!! Haha, long awaited. Plus...... the main highlight - dessert is TIRAMISU!!! Oh my, grace and I was so happy. The food came to the table starting from the bread. Everything was soo nice!!! Except for the almond chocolate that came with the tea. Oh well, we were so extremely full after everything. Before that, grace wanted to eat after eating at top table - she thought it will not be that filling. Lol, she even wanted to skip dinner after the meal. Overall, a wonderful experience.

The year 2s are really matured, more matured than me at least. They were very professional - calm and confident. 真是长江后浪推前浪。

By the way, I took a lot of pictures but lazy to post it. Sorry haha.

this is God's way of comforting the both of us I believe

wasting away

2008-07-30T23:46:00.002+08:00

This is a test right? I guess so. I just have to forgive and understand. Don't know what is happening now but I think it is the forced death of self haha. Come on, give it to me.

roots

2008-07-30T22:43:00.002+08:00

I am so thankful to God that my roots are more or less dealt with such as jealousy, pride and melancholic. Oh my, things would have been much worse if these are still within me. I think I will hate school to the core, like a second hell. Church might be the third. Well, I don't deny that there are still remnants in me, but it is really a lot better. Well, everyday is and will be a victorious day for me, and everyday is the best day that it can be.

2008-07-24T21:59:00.002+08:00

Oh no!!! My life has been controlled by the sleep monster and night lover, not forgetting the game master. Shitty. I look forward to the day where God is my best friend and I am His, that I know His heart inside out and also that I look at the world through His eyes. Then I will be a prophetess, and when I look back and see my life now, I will be amazed and thankful to see God being so lenient to me and always loving me, never failing to show me His presence.

Currently, I think I am letting God down. Wasting my life away, knowing it but not taking any action. NO! I MUST TAKE ACTION!!!

testimonies

2008-07-19T23:06:00.002+08:00

It is good to post about God's greatness and faithfulness.

This fri - hectic day
Had dentist appointment at 15:30. Reached at about 15:11. Saw the dentist at 15:15. This is the main part. Last time I went very early with my father. Ended up, we still only got to go in after the appointed time. Praise the Lord haha. Ended at 15:30. I had to go back to school for osip briefing at 17:00, and I was thinking if I can get to school in time because most of the time I only get to go in after my appointed time which of course end later. I did not want to take taxi there. Well I didn't really pray about it but only thought of it. Ended up I reached school more about half an hour before time. =) Praise the Lord!!! And I still can eat mc donald's on the day of the tightening of braces!

yup, everything will work out for my own good...

Making a difference

2008-07-18T00:40:00.002+08:00

Making A Difference - City Harvest Church

Won’t You Lord
Take a look at my hands
Everything I have
Use it for Your plan
Won’t You Lord
Take a look at my heart
Mold it, refine it
As You set me part

I want to run to the altar
And catch the fire
To stand in the gap
Between the living and the dead
Give us a heart of compassion
For a world without vision
We will make a difference
Bringing hope to our land

We will answer the call
To build this church without walls
Let Your glory be shown
Bring salvation to the lost
To the lost

I just thought of the chorus of this song today. Yup, I want to be like this.

this should be the cry of all christians

shows, stars, guys

2008-07-11T16:19:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I am glad that my fantasies don't last too long,
my craze don't even last and
my eye candies are just for a moment. =D

faith

2008-07-10T22:54:00.001+08:00

"I tried to do what's best
But faith has made it easy
To see the best thing i can do
Is to put my trust in You."

Well I guess this is it.

depressed?

2008-07-10T22:26:00.001+08:00

Just finished my dpd presentation and was commented on it that I was repeating what others have done, nothing much. Take away lesson: present things that are different and interesting, things that are important. Other information just put in your ppt and don't need to present too much on that.
I don't know why, I just felt so shitty and crappy. I felt that I have no strong points that make me outstanding. For example, someone is good in sports and another is good in erhu. I am not good for any. Yes, I do play the erhu, but not as good to be that significant - just average. Yup, all in all, felt that I am not doing much, just some average person (or below average) living in this world using up resources. Haha. Ok THIS IS MELANCHOLY. HATE IT. Get me out of here!!! Haha.

prophesy

2008-07-09T01:02:00.004+08:00

I think I should type it out just in case I forget it. This is by Pastor Peter. I am really encouraged by his prophesies =) All glory and praise to God and thanks to Pastor Peter. He saw me as a bee, very diligent. This is for my recognition. Bees make honey right, so my words shall be sweet to people and bring them joy.
I am just different. People might look at me and don't like me maybe because they are jealous. They can feel that there is something different about me and want to be like me but cannot. =D whaha lol.
I am like the alabaster jar that Mary poured onto Jesus' leg. Others say it is not worth it, but Jesus is please with me. All my life is poured out as a sacrifice to Him. Wahhhh I love this so much but this also means that I really have to pick up my cross daily and follow Him. I think I am ready to make the necessary sacrifices by killing myself. But then again, I pray for mercy and grace to bring me through everything. Thank you Jesus. =DDD

This happened because of my napfa test. Well, it is a blessing in disguise. =D

About the vision of the tree, I don't know if it is correct now. The ground is brown in colour which represents humility, and I really need to be stable and rooted to the ground so...haiz...

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

2008-06-28T22:18:00.002+08:00

Yeah I finally watched that with lizhen today! I am glad I watched it and it is no joke to say that it is scary. It is so children please don't watch it. I totally love it. It makes me want to buy the book and read. Daniela like peter, but I like edmund more haha. I think edmund more handsome, maybe because for this movie, he became more mature. =D Lucy has grown to be so pretty.
I was really touched by the movie, showing that God wants us to look for Him and trust Him. Afterall, the battle is in His hands. We cannot defeat the enemy with our own hands. Plus about that tree vision. In the movie, the trees woke up and moved, saving narnia and narnians. When I told lizhen about that vision before the movie, I started to loose faith in that explaination. God was like speaking to me through that movie, telling me that it is the truth. There is such a thing as aeroponics too. A tree can survive and bring life to others without being rooted to the ground. Thank you God. Love you!

muacks

made for great things

2008-06-28T10:36:00.003+08:00

I really thank God that He has prepared so many good things for me to do. Once someone said:

You are an eagle living among chickens, therefore you do not know that you can fly.

From now on, I shall spread my wings and practise flying!

Last night on prayer meeting, we had to hold hands and pray and I was with aunty deborah and jie susan. Haha they saw nice visions for me but I am sad because I could not see anything YET. These are the visions:

Tree=life. I will float around and give many people life =)

I am the hole. God will cause His light to shine on me. When I forgot about this vision and asked jie susan to repeat to me, I had an impression that I am a mole living in the hole. I was blind and all and when the light shines on me, I feel that it is so bright that it hurts my eyes. I believe that I have to walk towards the light even though it hurts.

Really thank God for them. =D Love them so much haha. Oh ya jie susan bought the walk-the-tote bag from me le. Yay!!!

Another piece of good news. I am flying to suzhou for my osip tentatively on 8 sept!!! Tell me what you want me to buy for you there!

zip

2008-06-27T15:10:00.002+08:00

Wahh!! I came home then I realised that I didn't zip up my pants for the entire day!!! This is the 2nd time this year that I forgot to zip after going to the toilet. So embarrassing.

Japanese Day!!

2008-06-22T20:59:00.005+08:00

Ah ee brought the cousiz group out to eat again, without my bro and sis. We went and eat japanese sushi for dinner! Before that I went out to lunch with my aunt and uncle and ate chicken curry don in a food court. Haha that's why today is Japanese Day lol. After dinner, ah ee fetched me home cause she loves me. =) It is because I wanted to go home and not eat dinner with her and the gang because I don't want to go home alone. Then she promised to send me home and she did! Yay! =D

i cannot afford to be melancholic again. Bringing in 7 more demons which are stronger is too much for me

Jesus Bride 2

2008-06-22T20:45:00.000+08:00

God is good. For the little time that I can commit to Jesus Bride 2, God opened up the way to do ministry for me. I am clean now. Yay! I think God is preparing me to go to suzhou for osip. 20 weeks is no joke, I can either die there or gain more strength. Recently, I was also delivered of the melancholic and arrogant spirit. =D

Philippians 3:16
Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

camp

2008-06-18T22:05:00.002+08:00

Did anyone realise I only talk about myself? Haha. Anyway, I am still going to talk about myself. Had co camp on mon and tues. Helped out in the nightwalk in which I was tasked to bang the door to scare people. I am glad I succeeded on most of the groups. =)

Dragonboated on the 2nd day. It was extreme fun and I believe all of us were drenched. I have exercised my arms muscles and am very glad because my napfa test is coming very soon. We learnt teamwork and had a nice tan. =D

friends - what are they

life

2008-06-07T21:55:00.002+08:00

Well, life is definitely not a game. It is also not a dream. Face it, this is reality and it is very serious. Our purpose is life is repeated and emphasised again and again. At the end of our lives, we have to report to God and then it will be decided whether it is eternal life or death for us. This is the end! Nothing else can change anything then.

Then again, what is our purpose in life? To build relationships - with God and your neighbour. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love your neighbour as yourself.

Life is a journey, never a destination. You can never be the best in your lifetime. It is a learning process, you are improving every moment if not deproving.

Bad news. I have to kill my Saul, which is my flesh, which is hard. I need to die. Kill me haha. Vision for me:
A house with a rainbow at the bottom, but there is no roof.

What it means:
No roof = no covering. Covering comes from submission to authority.

So...
I do not submit to authority.

I hope and pray that it is changed to "did"

challenge

2008-06-03T21:24:00.002+08:00

Hah! I took up and challenge and failed. Shit. Thought it was easy enough but NO! Humph. Cannot take it. Angry as I am, I shall explain.

This morning, I had a dream and woke up. As I didn't have to go to school, I went back to sleep again. I vaguely remembered that I had learnt a lesson in the dream, so I dreamt the same dream again as ask about the lesson. Then I had another dream showing that I was talking to this person that was damn irritating and I just showed my irritation. That person walked away in sadness knowing that I was extremely irritated with her. Then I talked to my aunt and she told me that what I did was wrong. I rebutted her saying that it is better to show my irritation than to 'fakely' love her as a friend. I was so proud of it. Then weird things happened in the dream and I woke up again. Guess what? I forgot the lesson haha.

I checked my handphone to see if there are any messages and yup, you have guessed it! The lesson learnt is the one I described above. Lets take a look at the sms:
What we say shows our real attitude towards others. How we talk reveals what we're really like. Our speech is a test of how wise we've become. To be wise in our speech we need to use self control. Our word should be honest and well chosen. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wise knowledge fools despise.

I understood and want to be the wise one. So, I told God I take up the challenge. I was thinking what to type in here this morning saying that the challenge is just beginning. Guess what? I am irritated now although not by that same girl. I AM PISSED! TRULY AND SURELY! Well I dare say I failed the test, but I want to pass the next one, and any one coming my way! I just repented. I really pray for grace to walk me through so that I can pass my tests. Thank you Jesus.

the higher you are destined to be, the lower you will fall in the beginning

Our e-business website

2008-06-02T15:11:00.001+08:00

Please support!!!

=) Thanks

PS: site under construction =) return 1 week later =p

typing speed

2008-05-28T23:55:00.001+08:00

54 words

Speedtest

personality test

2008-05-28T23:42:00.002+08:00

What Ng Shu Qi Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.

And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.

You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

People see you as a complete enigma, and only you truly understand who you are.

You spend most of your time introspecting and seeking truth.

You're a very interesting person... but not many people know you enough to realize it.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

I have a feeling it is the alphabats in the name. As in each alphabat is one analysis. Well I just break all the bad ones in the name of Jesus and accept all the good ones. =D

see through

2008-05-28T23:15:00.002+08:00

I have always wanted to see through stuffs and ya I have got my wish I guess. I don't think I prayed for it, because I don't remember. Maybe I have prayed for something that is related to that because I need to understand before I know how to do things. I know I have not reached the main idea. I can see through people's underlying meaning when they say things. I start to know why I am who I am.

Not to embarrass people here. I am not going to type the specific incidents and the name of the people. It is quite scary to know the underlying meanings of words said. I start to know things that they themselves are not conscious of revealing. They might not even know what they mean. We are spirit-filled beings. We just don't like to get close to people who are demonic although we might not know what is wrong with that person. I was someone who was oblivious when others detect the wrong spirit in any person. However, now I know and understand. Oh all these influences around me. Thank you God for opening the eyes of my spirit. I really appreciated it.

Although I don't think I asked for it, don't take it away. It is time for me to grow up, know what I am going through and face the challenges ahead. After all, I AM an overcomer.

clement

2008-05-28T13:17:00.002+08:00

Ok I really don't know what to say. Never thought that I would type this post all about Him. Just realised that he had family crisis on top of the friend crisis. Thank God he opened up to me about all that has happened. I thought it would be a good time to evangelise but I guess not. But thank God I have the chance to get my point across. Now just have to trust in the Lord and wait patiently to see how things go on. I think I have a duty to pray too. Now I have no time to care about myself. Yeah! Haha. I have to spend time with God lar! Hearing His voice is a must. I MUST KNOW WHAT TO DO. Lord I pray for common sense, discernment, wisdom, understanding and knowledge to communicate well with all people.

If clement ever sees this, I want you to know that we all want the best for you and God too! I know it is not time yet, so you just wait and see. Some miracles will come into your life!

God bless clement

lost

2008-05-22T21:27:00.002+08:00

Should I say that I am lost? Had my osip interview today. Maybe because of my braces I cannot go suzhou. Is that a lost or gain? I do not know. After I had that fateful rebuke this monday, I was not in the right condition. Or should I say I was not all along? The rebuke was that I was totally arrogant and anti-christ. I was not very prayerful sad to say, and more not prayerful now. I don't know what to do now. I know I need to seek Him, but yet I have no time to. What am I doing on earth?

What I know is God's unfailing love for me. He still does what I ask Him to. On the night of the rebuke, I was looking for newspaper articles to do my lodging project. After quite some time, I still could not find it. However, my father on earth found 2 for me almost immediately he asked what I was looking for. Furthermore, it was on the same newspaper! If my father on earth who have no power over these things can help me find more than I need, what about my Father in heaven who is Almighty? Can He not do more for me?

However, I am getting more and more short-tempered these few days and also easily emotional. This is a decision and action I have to make.

why do you call me Lord, Lord and do not do what I say?

prayerful life

2008-04-02T20:27:00.002+08:00

It was 2 days ago that I started my prayerful life. Not a long time of praying now, but it will get longer I believe. Now I learnt that there are really a lot of things that we as Christians cannot do, because they are worldly things not of God. Let me list them down and their consequences that I have experienced...

cannot watch movies with sexual content and mystical creatures
I had a bad dream after watching the spartans and was scared at night after watching spiderwick
cannot disobey parents
a cockroach appeared right after I disobey my mother by eating in the bedroom
cannot watch those taiwan romance dramas
got melancholic spirit, watch already will easily turn melancholic
"cannot stay close to people you are very close with" lol
will keep on quarrelling with them and get extremely pissed off

MUST PRAY!!! It is very important and powerful. Many times in the bible, when God wanted to destroy people, a person prayed that He will not and He listened.
I believe that on of the ways to cast our cares upon Him is through prayer to talk to Him. It really lightens my burden a lot.

God is always good
I must always sing His praises
I will rejoice for this is the day that the Lord has made

ice cream

2008-03-09T22:18:00.004+08:00

It is hard to post pictures up apparently, so I shall only post one. I was walking to the mrt station after youth service and saw my ah ku and future ah kim crossing the road. Then she treated me to ice cream! I ate the cookies and cream. For those who love alcohol, you can try the tiramisu flavour. =)

the ice cream cone wrapper =)

Went pulau ubin the day before. Cycling can be done the whole day and we almost got lost trying to find out way back. The short cut routes are really steep and dangerous. Reminds me of the sec 3 pahang camp. It is just so tough. Ok situations of rejection just came up. Now to think of it, I think I rejected so many others, so I got this 'retribution'. Well, I reap what I sow. I totally hate myself. Then again, there is no condemnation in Christ. I just did this ministry today and yet, I am still reminded of it. Is it incomplete man? Shit I totally want to attract attention. Don't even know is it right a not. Shitty shit. I am going to talk nonsense if I continue typing.

just when I thought everything is getting better...
it is worse than I thought
come on bring it on to be full blast, but give me grace to continue walking with You.

humbling time

2008-02-28T00:18:00.002+08:00

Yeah it is the end of my examinations! I was very worried that I cannot score for the previous paper but now it is over! However, sad to say after that I watched a NC16 movie with sexual content after that. How I handled freedom.

Anyway, ya about the wireless internet connection. I thought no one could do without me. I was wrong. Was trying to solve this problem when my sis and bro told me that what I pressed was not the reset button and they told me where it is. Yup teamwork is important. I cannot do anything without my fellow human beings too. Finally helped solve the problem. =)

others are more clever than i think...

eagle

2008-02-24T00:19:00.002+08:00

Did I mentioned about seeing an eagle flying up close? I saw it last sunday at 30th floor high street centre. The wing span was so long. It is totally different from seeing at birdpark. When I saw the eagle flying so close, I was extremely excited. That is why eagles are mentioned in the bible as so majestic. =)

orchestra

2008-02-20T16:21:00.002+08:00

Our walk with Jesus is like an orchestra. My aunt once said that the conductor is the Holy Spirit. Everyone in the orchestra is very important. Anyone less will significantly affect the quality and loudness of the pieces played. It is difficult though, to get on the stage and perform. Some cannot take the tedious practice hours and dropped out, some cannot commit due to other commitments, and some just cannot make it. Why? They just don't do their best I guess. "Whatever we do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord not for men." Somehow or another, the conductor will always be able to find better replacements for these people, however, he would prefer if he don't have to do it. Everyone has his own job to do and their jobs complement each other. Together, they produce sweet melodies to audience, to the glory of the conductor. The audiences are drawn to them, follow their news and become their fans. They are sort of role models for them. However, their success is not easy. It is credited to the guidance of the conductor and long hours of practices. If you don't practice regularly, your skills will deteriorate. It is the same as the walk with God. You either improve or deprove - there is no such thing as stay the same. The devil continues to attack and never stops. Persevere to get to the destination - to be Jesus' bride.

just remember: at the end of our lives, we only have to report to God
don't dwell in the dark
turn to the light and continue walking forward

ticketing test

2008-02-17T22:55:00.002+08:00

That was on friday. God really blessed me. He kept His promise and showed that He is almighty. =) I didn't know that my test was in the 1st slot, which is 9am. I thought it was 10.30am since the 2 tests before that was at this timing. Therefore, I didn't go and check the timing. However, I still went to see the timing at about 9.10am on that day just to make sure. Then I realised that I was very late. I quickly prepared to leave the house when I saw the bus just leave. Anyway, I just rushed out and prayed that I will have the time to finish doing the test or God to soften the teacher's heart to let me take the test at the next slot. I die die didn't want to take the taxi, so I waited for another bus at my own risk. Throughout the entire waiting time and journey to school, I prayed in tongues and claimed the promise through a vision given to my aunt that I will score full marks. When I reached school and told teacher that I forgot and was really sorry, she just calmly told me to take the test at the next slot. Another classmate was also late and given another chance, but her reason was very valid and understandable, unlike mine. I am really thankful to God because although He dropped me a lot of hints through my friends and classmates and prompted me to check my timing the night before, I didn't know and didn't check. Either I was not sensitive enough or too rebellious or both. I was so unworthy(even don't want to take taxi), but He is faithful. =) I think I did well for that test too haha. Love ya, God! Thanks so much!

red

2008-02-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

Ya, I get my traits from my parents.
This has nothing to do with what is typed below.

I am getting redder recently. Ok this is an understatement. I am extremely red recently. It is in two forms - itchiness and speech.
My entire body is very itchy and I don't understand why. Is it because there is something wrong with my health? My mom says it might be that my skin is dry. Eee, I don't want. My legs are so dry already, I don't want other parts of my body to be the same. I have prayed asking God to replenish moisture into my body if it is really because of the dryness problem.
I have been quarrelling with my friends whenever I talk. I cannot help it and I don't understand why. Is it because Jesus' bride just started and the devil is attacking me? I am thinking it this way now...

resisting the devil

thank you!!!

2008-02-05T13:07:00.000+08:00

Wahhhhh! I love my friends so much!!! All that I owe them, I am very sure that I cannot repay them. Really, what's more about my parents and grandparents? They are with me for as long as I know and did so many things for me. How can I every repay? The greatest of all is my Father God in heaven. He created me from the very beginning, the One who knows me inside out. I can never repay the love that He has showered upon me. My friends only helped me printed my report and passed it up for me, but my Father helped me did the report in the first place. Plus, the Lord has already planned out my life for me. Who can ever do that? Not even my parents on earth or the insurance agent. He, my parents and grandparents also took in all the nonsense from me but still continue to give me the best. Friends also accept me for who I am. Must learn to appreciate and say things like thank you and sorry and giving hugs and kisses. Love you all!

*muacks*

God speaking

2008-01-31T00:44:00.000+08:00

Walk with the wise and grow wise, but a companion of fools suffer harm.

What's with me singing "For the cause of Christ, I will lay down my life"? I mean, if I can't even sacrifice my sleep and time for Him to just join Him in Jesus' bride, will I be even willing to die for Him? Impossible. I was listening to this song the day after jie ming hui called me to tell me about the interview for Jesus' bride and this thought just dawned on me. God wants me to be His bride! The evidence is the ring on my finger. Why do I just make Him so sad? I am destined to be in it k.

God also spoke to me through this book that my aunt bought for me eons ago. How amazing it is that God created the insects that we totally hate but they contribute to the ecological system. Maggots of flies only feed on dead and decaying flesh. They are the natural doctors of animals that suffer wounds. By eating away the decaying flesh, the wound will not be infected and new flesh is allowed to grow to cover up the wound. Mosquitoes act as herdsmen of deers which eat leaves to force them to move up and down the mountain to eat leaves to allow sunlight to pass through to reach the plants on the ground. In contrast, humans are the only creatures on earth that serve no ecological purpose. Sad huh? But we are made to do the most noble thing, which is to praise the living God! Excited? Let's all live for God and God alone! Experience total and extreme breakthrough in your life! Miracles and surprises will come along your way! Believe and be victorious in life!!!

lol this is like a post from God to me, to remind me of His goodness...

pride x3

2008-01-25T23:52:00.000+08:00

Seriously, just treat me as dirt. Whack me, scold me, force me, whatever. I will feel better than giving people outside church that I am so holy moley. Sure, I can see that I am improving outside church, about accepting the fact that people say I am weak and need to depend everything on God. But I cannot stand people just telling me to do things like memorise verses. For I think that I am so righteous and just cannot memorise. Why? No time lar! Freakos. I got projects to do, not enough sleep and yet you ask me go and make the effort to memorise verses and go to some church thingy on weekdays! Too much is expected of me lar. I don't want to mature. I don't want to accept responsibilities. I don't want to commit. I don't want to go find out stuffs myself. I want people to spoon-feed me. Don't I have this right? I am still not an adult, yet I have to act like one because I am like 18 going on 19? Ok if I am not at this age, I will think that it is an age for an adult. Ok just say that I am not ready to grow up. I don't want to change my lifestyle. I want to have control and security of my life. Stupid pride. I want to stab it hard and kill it that there will be no blood and life in it. Why does a girl need so much pride? It will kill me in the working world, kill my relationship with my future husband and his family. Kill my future children. Kill everything around me until I am dead. Not even the true blue muscular guys have more pride than me. True, I cannot change myself, but I also am not willing to ask for help. No one should know my dark secrets when even I myself don't know. No one should shine at my dark spots. It is too painful and piercing. Anyway, I am drifting. Can see the all so significant distance between me and everyone else. Not wallowing in self pity now, cause I realised that I can't get into this situation already. This is my only comfort ba, the grace that God has given me and not going to take it away. I like and don't like it. But I pray that God will not take this away from me. I like it more that I can't cry myself to bed because I can't get sad. Knowing what I am supposed to do but not able to just get myself to do it is the worst thing that can happen and is happening. This problem is all around me, cutting the relationships around me...one by one...

sleeping my time away
stupid choice and decision

I love God!

2008-01-21T00:03:00.000+08:00

God please forgive me if I love You only because of all the things You gave me. I don't deny that I love You for that, but I want to love You for just who You are, because You first love me and gave Your life up for me. I want to praise of Your great name.

Thank You for holding the rain just for me.
Thank You for getting that bee out of the toilet for me so that I can bathe in peace.
Thank You for taking the effort to train me into Your mighty army.
Thank You for helping me take my tests and do my projects. Looking back, I can't imagine how I actually wrote so many words in reports and able to them in.
Thank You for forcing me to grow up, I seriously needed it.
Thank You for squeezing me clear of my pride. I still need that I guess, but I know I am improving.
Thank You for telling me that I cannot change myself, only in Your presence can I be changed.

"I cannot contain what You've done in me. I can't stop lifting up my praises to You."
"Everywhere I go, I will shout Your praises. Everywhere I go, I just can't contain it."
"I love to be in Your presence, with Your people singing praises."

Love and thank You for not forsaking me and still being faithful to me.

adeline

2008-01-11T17:09:00.000+08:00

Haha. This post is dedicated to adeline. Met her yesterday for lunch. She dated me the day before. Glad I agreed. Caught up with her, know how she felt about her group, class and such. Then met her cousin and mom's friend coincidentally. It just happened that they both worked in Vivo city and her cousin's company is a sister company of her mom's friend's. So many things happened in just a little more than 1 hour. Our strong relationship still exists - adeline, wei lian, yanning and me. We are the bestest friends in poly haha. Love them all.

On tuesday, I went out with yanning to eat mac. Before that, we walked pass 2 shops - selling scafs and the Uzumaki. Saw a jacket that will fit wei lian, so we bought it after our lunch, thinking that it costs $15. Wanted to ask adeline to chip in, but she already got a present for wei lian's birthday last year. So we bought, thinking it will cost us $7.50 each, but when we bought, we were told it cost $18. Wahhh!!! kena cheated. Ok then we bought ice-cream at Usumaki, thinking it will cost only $3.50 each. We wanted cone and realised it costs $4 each only at the moment we bought it. Kena cheated again haha. Aiya, I know that it was ignorance in our part lar, but nevertheless, still felt cheated. However, I believe that with the prices known to us, we would still buy them as that jacket was really very nice and we wanted to try the ice-cream.

Not so holy huh, however, I am glad to announce that I have overcame a part of my rebellion. I actually submitted to my aunt and woke up at 4am to do my quiet time. It has already been a few days. God kept me awake the whole time. I don't feel at all sleepy when I was reading my bible - that is a miracle. Last time, even though I woke up when the sun was up to read my bible, sometimes I still felt sleepy. God's grace and I think God really wants me to be serious towards Him. My project due dates are so near and yet we haven't completed our research and started on the report. I am so scared, but I know God will somehow make things right. This is really a test of faith and force me to really know God's heart.
Today, I often felt like there was nothing to do when there was a lot to be done and God drew me closer to Him by 'forcing' me to spend time singing worship songs to Him in the morning. I know how empty it is not knowing God because I still don't know Him. How now? Why am I still not growing? After the 40 day fast, I shall overcome! Muahaha.

Was quite shocked when last night my brother said 2008 is an easy year. It has not be quite easy for me but now I see it. I completed my ticketing test! It was quite a breeze for me I should say. =) Thanks God. =D

=D

2008-01-04T18:20:00.000+08:00

Now, let's welcome the all so common selfish post! All my all so common weaknesses exposed time!

self-righteousness
leading to being judgemental
pride
lust

Well, should I say that these are all or are the main ones only? Anyway, if I didn't remember wrongly, Paul said that we should boast about our weakness. I couldn't really remember the reason he said but I think it was in the lines of this is where God will manifest His power. Extra grace is given to me to overcome all these! I have a very vague memory that I have typed this in this blog for umpteen times!!! But, I am an overcomer. And to be an overcomer, I must have weakness, if not, what to overcome? Wahaha! Isn't that funny? It is amazing how truths can be entertaining. How I wish all truths are like that.

The "It is not my problem" syndrome has been getting stronger recently. I have been saying countless of sorries without meaning it even a bit. How hyprocritical I have become. I finally understand why this sentence "让我说的每一句话，发自我心田" is so meaningful. Life is so empty and meaningless without me meaning what I do. Again, how many times have I exprienced this stage and gone back to it again? When can I just grow up and mature and going back to eating baby food such as cereals? I know it is nice to eat, but everyone grows out of it! Why not me? I am still craving for baby wheat cereals, literally. How hard it is to be innocent like a child, but wise to know evil and overcome/avoid it. On the other hand, how easy it is to behave like a child (regression I think), sleep, eat and do nothing else.

Sometimes I think that I am better off being an animal. What I do is what God gives me as instincts. No wrongs that I do will be condemned, afterall I am not given the discrition to make decisions, no responsibility given to me. I will still go to heaven and be with God and on Judgement Day, I am not judged. But then again, that is why human successes are highly honoured. People are praised and rewarded for whatever good we do and we have the greatest peace and gratefulness to God when we finally meet Him. In all, we learn to appreciate Him more and more. That is why we have great satisfaction when we overcome the devil - 苦尽甘来。

personality test

2007-12-23T00:59:00.000+08:00

Suddenly felt like doing personality test.

Your Scores:
Director 12%
Cheerleader 20%
Investigator 40%
Caregiver 28%

I am not sure if I answered all the questions correctly a not, but more or less, I agree that this is my personality.

Typical positive character traits of these are:
Director: driven by an active will and the need to get results.
Cheerleader: driven by emotion and the need to influence.
Investigator: driven by logic and the need to do things right.
Caregiver: driven by a passive will and the need to help.

When under pressure each of us typically reacts differently:
Director: responds through outbursts.
Cheerleader: responds with intense emotion and talking.
Investigator: responds by withdrawing and thinking negatively.
Caregiver: responds by withdrawing and becoming fatigued.

Each of us looks to others for support:
Director: needs respect and the acceptance of their ideas.
Cheerleader: seeks approval, camaraderie and to be noticed.
Investigator: wants assurance and recognition for competency.
Caregiver: wants sincere appreciation and harmony.

As we look through the Bible we can see these dominant character traits in several individuals:
Director: King David, Ruth, Apostle Paul
Cheerleader: King Solomon, James the brother to Jesus
Investigator: Moses, Matthew the Tax Collector
Caregiver: Abraham, Esther, Barnabas

http://www.christianet.com/bible/personalitytests.htm

church

2007-12-22T23:53:00.000+08:00

I have 3 things to address.

1) Plumbline
Where is this boundary that we cannot cross? This plumbline I am talking about is God and world. How much time should we spend with God and how much time should we spend in the world? I am not talking about murdering and stealing, just doing your work such as project and homework. There are people who go more supernatural than others and receive things from people who are more of the world such as money because God told them to give. I believe that there should be a limit right? Money cannot just drop from the sky when everyone else are just going supernatural right? I know about the Israelites eating manna dropped from the sky. Since it happened before, I know it can happen again. But what will this world be like if the situation turns out to be like this? As I am thinking about what to type in here, God gave me a revelation. Those who go supernatural actually spend time with God and do His work, that is why they are reaping the benefits. It seems as though they are not doing anything but they are, and are suffering a lot i.e. ah ee. But other than that like for schooling people like us. I still strongly believe that there is a boundary that we cannot step over. We have responsibility of our schoolwork and also with God. None can be compromised isn't it? Until now I understand that we don't need to understand and set a limit for ourselves for these type of questions. The peace of God can just make me comfortable about that things I do. However, I can't stop feeling that I am not doing enough for Him. Don't know whether it is from the conviction of the Holy Spirit or the work of the devil though. I really don't know what is right, what I am supposed to do.

2) high expectations
This is about something that just happened haha. I received quality replies from people and also just average ones. I myself happen to be in the average group, who at least replied. In the past, I would have already pat myself on the back and say "well done" to myself. However, I am so disappointed with the replies I have received and also disappointed with myself for the "lack of loving reply". ""Just doing what I am supposed to do"" Crap shit. Well, it can be said that I am still learning to open up my heart. Believe it or not, I am still viciously trapped in the isolation circle that I drew for my hurt heart haha. Well, lack of trust ba...

3) care
Again, where is the boundary? Of course if you don't go somewhere you are supposed to go, you will like people calling you and asking you what happened to you. I want to confess that I am not that kind who cares for people that much to always ask about their whereabouts. I did, for some I acknowledge to be closer to me. Other than that, where you are is not my problem. I have no time to care about you. I have other better things to do. Ok back to the point. However, there are some cases where you are obviously avoiding that person because you had no valid reason to not go to that place. You pray and earnestly ask that they will not call you and ask for the reason. That comes back to the first question. Where is the boundary? No matter what, I know I have to make right with God and myself that I should at least take the initiative to ask about them if they don't go to lessons or something like that. This is the minimum thing that good leaders should do.

PS: Those who actually know about my blog and bother or have extra time to read this, please pray for me. I know since long long ago that one cannot be independent, just that I still cannot accept it. Truth hurts. It is alright if it comes out from my mouth, but it is not when it comes out from others' mouths. Yup 1st thing is about my pride and then about my rebellion. I think I can deal with jealously myself, but pride and rebellion are things that I cannot seem to overcome. Thanks.

Thank you God for helping me overcome those objective 'rebukes' and that I did not hold them in my heart and let my life just rot away.

baptism

2007-12-16T23:52:00.000+08:00

Wooho! I am finally baptised today (when my period come -_-). Thank God that I didn't change the water into blood haha. Although I don't feel anything changed in me, I believe something is changing. =)
Went for alter today again as usual. However, what happened was not usual. I slept during sermon and I went for alter call not knowing what I want to do. Was the last one to be prayed for. Reverend Kock Yee (is that how it is spelled?) prophesied instead. Amazing. Tell me that I am not small and cannot do anything, and the bible says that God use the small to shame the big-something like that. I speak what God is going to tell me in 2008. Do you know what this means? It means that I am going to hear God speak!!! This has been my hope for long and in my prayers recently. I am so extremely happy!!!
Elder Wee challenged us to badminton after baptism, saying if we 2 against 1 win him, he will treat us dinner and buy the winners each a pair of shoes and a badminton racket. We were all so excited and took him on. Don't know if we considered won him or lost to him. Anyway, we all got what we wanted-free dinner by elder wee. The dinner was so filling and the food are extremely delicious. Thanked him and we all love him, because he is rich and friendly haha. He said that all the youths and great speakers and are all evangelists haha. So I am an entrepreneur and evangelist...hmm... =D

new hp!!!

2007-12-15T21:19:00.000+08:00

I got a new hp! It is N76 and its name is child. =) Bluetooth de lar. Love it so extremely much. =D

My lips are extremely dry. I just peeled off some dried skin. The area from the bottom part of my nose to my upper lips are dry basically. And these few nights, I find it hard to breathe. Haiz... Lord please heal me. Thanks.

I supper ubber love this song, going to put it in my new hp! "We want to see Jesus lifted high, a banner that flies across this place..." =) Just asked my aunt, don't know can borrow a not.

I feel that I am not loving God enough

2 sides to a coin

2007-12-15T00:53:00.000+08:00

I don't know what should I do. Be on fire for Him, chiong green beret and neglect my work thinking that it can be solved itself or just go when I have the time and put my focus on my work? Not that I don't go to church or anything, but just treating green beret as a bonus. Which is the right thing to do? There are truths for both sides of the coin. Which is the really true one or neither 1 is? When will I ever understand and make the right choices?

missing out

2007-12-13T21:00:00.000+08:00

I guess I am missing a lot by not going for the green beret. I know I will learn a lot more and get to know more about God by going. Guess either I don't have the courage or just deny the fact that I know God ba...That's why I didn't go for it. I just finished my work for project like it is nothing. God's gift to me, to make me go back to Him. But I registered for so many activities in school. Is it destined or my right to choose? I don't want to choose! I want to be told where to go and what to do, because I am not confident that I will make the right decisions. But this is what I have to go through, that in the later part of my life, I will make all the right decisions because I am in training now. Well, Jesus, I pray that I will finish my projects as soon as possible that I will not need to worry about them and able to go for green beret. Thank You.

bible proverbs

2007-12-11T11:59:00.000+08:00

Now I truly understand in depth the following verses:

Proverbs 26:17
Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.
Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Father

2007-12-09T20:43:00.000+08:00

I choose to believe. Yup, thank You God for the deliverance, for letting me know you always know my heart, for all the continuous encouragement. Thank you aunty deborah too! Love you! A faith as small as a mustard seed can grow to occupy my whole heart. I must perservere.
I love hugging Dr. Curtis. He prophesied over us again. =) And I don't know why, his cologne smell is so strong today. Even after I bathe, I think I still smell it haha. Cannot describe the joy I have today.
Still thinking if I should go for green beret tomorrow. Half or full day? Can't make up my mind. A little reluctant, my body is still complaining.
Got to know more about my grandmother today. I guess everything DOES happen for a reason. Was watching hong xing da jiang with her and chu lu was mentioned. Then asked about her background in which her parents came from China. Her elder sister is in Hong Kong. Yup. Very happy today. Still don't feel like doing my project leh... is it right?

This morning, a few seconds after I reached the shelter linking to the mrt station, it started to rain heavily. Aren't I blessed?
I wanted to buy cup corn before I walk home, which costs $1.50. I only had coins with me and I prayed that I will have enough. What I have with me was just nice! Haha. Felt extremely blessed today. I am starting to have no peace. Maybe it is about the green beret training. Don't know what is wrong...

lazy

2007-12-08T22:35:00.000+08:00

Yup super uber lazy me. I felt like sleeping most of the time, don't feel like doing my project, can't be bothered with co people, felt like dying during project meetings blah blah...
Cannot take it. It is taken hold of me! What should I do?
However, for things concerning church, I do them with so much joy and with no disinterest. Weird huh. Was thinking if it is because it is related to PowerPoint or now to think of it, a no brain job? Not to insult God and the person who asked me to do it though. But maybe no brain in a sense that God is the one doing the work ba, since I have no confidence of myself doing it well and asking God to take over so as not to ruin the whole Christmas drama thing.
Probably, I should start asking God to take over all of my projects...
speaking* God, I put all my projects into your hands. I know with all my heart (even if I don't want to acknowledge it) that I am seriously like nothing. A piece of shit that can be stepped on and pushed around. When I try to take over, all seems to breakaway. But when I let go, the whole world starts moving. It makes me feel so extremely useless, but deep in my heart, I know that whatever happens, my group mates will not 'badmouth' me for the peer evaluation. I don't know why, but although I know I am doing almost nothing, I feel that my group mates think that I am doing a lot. Don't know for sure is it this peace that You has given me, or my wrong impression. You just want to humble me huh. What should I do? I don't really have the discipline to set time aside to spend with You and I know that I am departing from You, at least this is what I think. God, You promised to stay with me and guide me to to success. I know You will not break that promise, but it is with conditions attached. Talk to me, tell me what I need to do Lord. Thank You Jesus.

I still have not received that word lar!

improvement?

2007-12-05T22:33:00.000+08:00

Ok, I gave up my seat to an old man. I smsed sorry to my friend. Are these improvements to show that God has done work on me? Why then do I still feel so rebellious and lazy? Why then do my thoughts still run wild? Why did I get worse in the context of speaking in tongues continuously for at least half an hour? I always felt like sleeping when I was speaking in tongues, therefore kept on stopping.

I still haven't received any word from God :(

answer from God

2007-12-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

Yes, I am a green beret. Uncle hwa ching ministered to me. Well a huge load off my mind I guess.
Dr Curtis also ministered to all the yahyobabes in that he gave us a verse for the ending of his sermon. Ephesians 3:20. Go read your bible lar. I don't feel like checking and typing out the whole thing. Yup, everything is possible. Come on, we live in the supernatural. I have confessed to someone before that if I depend on my hard work and effort, I don't think I can get anywhere, even here and now. Because in the first place, I have no hard work and effort to talk about. Everyone around me seems to be working 100X harder than me. Ok this is a exaggeration but it is true that I am not working harder than them.
I want to live successfully in the supernatural. I want to slack and be successful haha. But slackness as in not working but not slackness in fellowshipping with God. Then I can get what I want without hard work and effort. =)
I feel really bad right now lar. Wasting my time watching goong s just now. Watch the whole thing somemore. Then now I feel that I cannot do anything anymore. My future looks so bleak now. That is an overstatement.

God as a Father wants to give the best to His children.
Lord, please bless me! Thanks.

korea!!!

2007-12-01T23:07:00.000+08:00

http://www.donghaeng.net/english/main.htm
This website. About Jesus. Valerie sent that to me long long long time ago. Absolutely love it. Make me want to give up Japan and pick up Korea instead. Haha. I really want to go Korea one day and experience the church serivice. However, I still won't give up going to Japan lar. I love the language and I really want to experience life there, not the religion and religious culture though, though it looks fun too.
I want to buy spoons in Korea!!! They are super duper long. =)
I also want to try the real kimchi.
I want to eat all the sushi, ramen and the other noodle types I can in Japan!!!

I want to get the chance to study/work in Korea/Japan!!! I want OSIP to these places!!!

speaking subconsciously

2007-11-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

I don't know why. I started recently to just speak in tongues when I have the time. When I just sit down and pray in tongues doing nothing else, I feel like sleeping after a while. I get so drowsy and suddenly say words like bye bye. What I remember is that I will think of a scene then reply what I 'see and hear' others talk to me. I wanted to control myself not to say anything out, but it all just came out anyway. Weird.

Is there something wrong with me?
Does it mean anything?
It is not the devil's attack ba...

so scary haha.

love = time

2007-11-30T17:14:00.000+08:00

I guess this thing should have sunk into my spirit long long ago, but no, I don't think it did. It just sunk into my spirit. Well just typing an sms can be a sign of love.
Time and thumb strength used to think and type the sms in the way that how you want people to feel it. Yup - Love.
Just taking time to talk to someone - Love.
Spend time buying something for that someone - Love.
Spend time to think of the ways you can make that someone happy - Love.
Thinking of that someone for a few seconds even when your workload is drowning you - Love.
Spend your whole day thinking how to get close to this someone - Love.

Well, what you love might not be a person, it might be your hobbies, sports, bad habits - just anything.
Singing in the toilet or just anywhere on the streets - Love.
Well, if I would just love God like that, His name shall already been known on where passed by before.
Watching drama series late into the night - Love.
If only this love is channeled to God, how happy would He be?

What is important between 2 people is respect and mutual understanding. Of course, the most important is love. Love does not judge, therefore leading to respect. Love does seek to know what people are feeling and thinking. As much as it is undesirable, feelings are the focal point in most people. Moreover, love is trust. We know the person inside out and believes that he/she is not this kind of person. Knowing how each other feels and trusting him/her completely lead to mutual understanding.

How am I loving God when I find reading the bible tiring? How can I say that I love God when I don't know Him, doubting that He protects me and leads me to the right path? Am I even loving Him when I forget to say grace before meals?

Feelings based on outward appearances will soon fade away. One sided love will not stand. It is of no meaning when one is always giving and another is always demanding and receiving. It takes 2 hands to clap. I cannot walk straight when I am always the one receiving and not giving, because I will never learn to appreciate and experience what true love is. It is not a sense of achievement when you know that you are doing the right thing. It is a sense of comfort and warmth when you see God and others are enjoying and benefiting what you have sacrificed for them. True love is about giving, not receiving, which is what the Christmas spirit is all about. Time is nothing when spent alone, but it is everything when spent with people.

I don't want to lose my calling. I want to love God.

God loves me

2007-11-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

Proverbs 3:5,6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

Yeah, I am free! (more or less). I have broken my dinner relationship with the rest! When I reached home today, I still feel very tired, what's more if I eat with them? I think God is happy with this right? Now, projects take a bigger portion of my life but I still have to put God 1st. I must chiong my projects on saturdays and hopefully finish them all with good quality. I really want and need my sleep. I know ah ee told me about the story where the man stay up till 2am to do his work and wake up at 5am to sell, but Lord, can I sleep? I really want to sleep. Is it wrong to sleep more than 7 hours a day? :( From what I see, my parents always ask me to sleep early. Nowadays, though it is a lot lesser, I guess it is because they know I need to finish my work, but they want me to sleep early because they want me to be healthy and my eyesight don't worsen. Is that in Your heart too? Please I want to have enough sleep and able to finish my project with good quality too. Help me. May I?

jog

2007-11-27T00:26:00.000+08:00

Went jogging with my bro at 9pm today. Had a good jog, finally after so many months. Back hurt though, during the jog. SHIOK sia. However, actually I only ran barely 400m I guess. I was so tired after jogging and many times wanted to give up. I guess when I jog next time, I should think of some Christian songs to get my mind off the jogging distance. Yup, I think I need to do that.

Yup. God has given me so much love, more than what He gives others (since my name is lovy). It is high time I spread this love to others. I need His grace.

3 hearts =)

God, You are proud of me right?

aftermath to wo bu fu post

2007-11-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

Well this is one of the things I just thought of that I want to thank God for. After writing that post, I played the without love song, looked at the lyrics and sang. There is one part where it goes like this: Love does not envy
Never brags, it's never proud
Slow to wrath,
it keeps no records
of wrongs against friends
Love forgives
We all could use forgiveness
I started tearing and finally forgave those I need to forgive. It was good healing.
The next morning, I read my bible and I read that part where there is no righteousness in men. I had more healing after reading that. "God is finally listening to my prayer and tell me directly what I need to know!" I was really comforted. Well, thinking about it now, I still am not satisfied. Humans are never satisfied. Now I want God to tell me before telling other people about me, but I know I need to be humbled first before I get exalted. I think I still have a long way to go...

my life

2007-11-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

I have many things to thank God about but I have forgotten most of them. Yup I am proud to say that my ability in not chionging my work but still get good marks is from the Lord. Asking questions is good.
I am not married! Well, not in mortal terms. When it was my 18th birthday, my aunt heard God ask if I want to be His bride. Well, I said yes of course. Then my aunt took out a ring from her cupboard and gave it to me. In human terms, my aunt gave it to me. In spiritual terms, God gave it to me. So don't asked me this question anymore! I keep on telling everyone else that my aunt gave it to me, because I think it is the easiest for them to understand. Hope God is not angry by that, because I don't know how to tell this to non Christians or even Christians. Find it very ok I am so sorry - embarrassing. Wahhh. Forgive me to denying You.
I have ticketing test tomorrow and management accounting test on saturday and I haven't studied both. Lord Jesus please help me in these tests thanks.
I think my downfall is keep on going to eat until late at night with the others. I seriously must cut this habit. I must make a stand and control myself. When I am at home, I cannot watch too much tv and neglect my work too. Yup. God please help me. Thanks.

I seriously need to live in seclusion now.

wo bu fu

2007-11-18T20:51:00.000+08:00

Wa lao. Damn angry lar. I know I want the Holy Spirit to convict me of every little sin that I commit, but I also want the grace to accept it and do my best to change. I don't think I have the grace of God right now. I am so furious, cannot stand my aunt and everyone who gets to enjoy life. Damn stupid lar. I feel like shitting on everybody. I am so not joyful and peaceful right now. I can't even get started on my project. I know at the end, God sure win 1. You win liao lor. I am just so frustrated why God don't want to answer my questions by talking to me like 1 on 1 together lor. I just feel and know that I am wrong and have to wait for my aunt to tell me right smack in my face what I should do. Why can't He tell me and just whack me with the rod Himself? Just want to crush my stupid pride and cut me down to nothingness right? Cannot take it lor. Still I still have to bow down to you and ask that You give me the grace to accept this fixed strong fact and confess my sins. I don't even have the chance to take pity on myself because no one else seems to care. No attention is on me. You want me to be interdependent and yet don't want me to have good friends on earth because You know I will destroy both that person and me. Well, everyone seems to have the same sin as me but the reaction of being rebuked is so darn different. What's more, they have freaking good friends that they can talk to and always stay in their house lar. The more I think, the more I freaking can't take it. At this point of time, leaving me alone will be the best choice.

best of both worlds

2007-11-17T23:44:00.000+08:00

Well, this can be achieved in a certain extent. You can definitely strike a balance between school and God. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these will be added unto you. Well, there you have it.
But the Bible also says that a servant cannot have 2 masters. You cannot serve both God and money. According to my situation now, I have 3 masters at the very least - God, television and belongingness. What I can be sure is that when I have nothing to do at home, the 1st thing I will do is on the tv. BAD. I have spent too much time with people and one of the main reasons is to have a sense of belongingness. I want to belong to a group, a place where I can gain all the attention I need. Well, it is just too much. I don't want to sleep at 2 everyday for the rest of my life. What I need is to have a normal and healthy lifestyle and strike a balance between school and God. This is my job, what I am only expected to do. I hate my life now.

I totally hate my attitude

crap

2007-11-16T17:00:00.000+08:00

I so totally hate myself. Don't talk to me.

questions

2007-11-14T16:52:00.000+08:00

Do I have the qualities to become a green beret?
Am I still fit to be a Christian?
Why do I keep thinking of corrupted stuffs?
Why is my heart so hard?
Why do I not consider myself to see many miracles happening in my life?

I have taken part in so many gossips just in these few days. My mouth just can't stop talking shit. I don't know how many countless people I have hurt only within these few days. I desperately need to be reborn.

Nevertheless, I still want to thank God for the many good and bad things that happened in my life. My friend lent me the office 03 cd. I am in e-business elective and there is only 1 class of us. There is no one I hate in there. I have my wednesdays off. I become a festive subject group leader. My computer is starting to return to its former glory. I get to know the song by stacie orrico-without love. I have completed all my filing. I think I spent some time with God today. My father bought a new modem and router. I think I finally felt a father's love and it is sinking down halfway through.

I have seen the light in why my brother is studying in anglican high now. He wanted to go haising catholic because there is a volleyball cca. However, my dad forced him to go anglican high instead. It is already a miracle I guess because both my parents believe in taoism. There are Christians for my brother to make friends with. He learnt the drums and it is his favourite. It is a condusive environment to study. Just this june, he got the chance to go China for an exchange program organised by the school. Well, God willed it to be and it is good.

God I want to go overseas organised by the school with my schoolmates too!!!

life

2007-11-11T23:28:00.000+08:00

I hate it although I know I should give thanks. Well I an overcomer and there is a price to pay for that. If there is nothing difficult for me to overcome, how can I be an overcomer? Love and hate it.
It is like eating food and finding that there are insects in there. I have had this kind of experience countless times. My parallel to this is, asking group members about OUR project and finding out that everything that was discussed earlier was CHANGED and/or there was so many information that they need to fill me up with. Thankful yet angry. Why this stupid shit? Maybe I should ask the Holy Spirit to show it to me, whether I have treated people like that before a not, therefore reaping what I have sowed. Before I realised this, I was still thanking God for giving me favour of men. I know I am not wrong. I am in and yet out. I am very into 1 group and very out in another. I am in to my cca mates group, but yet, I know I have to keep a distance-after all, they are not good company as in not Christians.
My Father in heaven is so big and He loves me so much. Lord, You know what I am suffering with and I ask that You give me the solutions I need that I still don't know. Thank You. I know it is done.
Many things I wanted to say but never have the time to. I guess this is only how much I need to type for now. What is in the past is now gone, now I just need to focus on the present and what must I do to please God. Forgive me for being faithless, for insulting You again and again.

sentosa benefits

2007-10-31T23:37:00.000+08:00

Starting to love sentosa although not the school except for the lecture halls. =)

We, as students of tourism academy @ sentosa, have maximum benefits in sentosa:
Free admission to Fort Siloso, Images of Singapore(very cool) and Merlion.
$4.90 two-way trip by cable car.
Discount at subway if only the sandwich is purchased.
Discounts in kofu.
and many more!
Others I have not discovered yet.
But I believe there are many more!

bad bad bad days

2007-10-31T22:59:00.001+08:00

I have ended these few days with anger. I slept at 1 plus all these days, just because I want and need to install the microsoft office. I can't, because there is always this error coming up. I have searched the internet for this problem and they saied that it is because the cd is dirty. Tried cleaning it but to no avail. Tried using the fan to blow dust away from the cd reader, even vacummed it. Spent so much time just to install this thing, but can't. I think I have to reformat the whole com after I saved the important information.

Had 2 of my teeth extracted today. Injection was painful as everyone told me and the extraction was not. For each tooth extracted, 2 injections are needed. 1 for the front of the gum, another 1 at the back. I prayed that it will not hurt as much as I thought it would be and thank God it didn't. There are so many things that I can praise God for in my lives such as the people in my classes, my group memebers (for the fact that I can find a group to co-operate with) etc. However, when I am to give thanks, I either doubt it is from God or forget all about it. All I can remember is sadness and anger. All these have to go, that I know.

I just thought of another thing to praise God for. I did something good yesterday! I helped a junior regain his confidence about playing the erhu!!! Everyone knows me for not being patient and I am patient for once! Give a clap offering to the Lord!!! =) Thanks God, my Father in heaven. But as a human, I still want more things. I know but I still pray that You will give them to me and just teach me to sit in Your presence and not let the worries of life choke me to death.

sick

2007-10-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

I don't understand.
I want to understand.

I don't want to obey.
I need to obey.

I am sick and tired and need help.
I don't want help.
I need help.
I have no time to spend with God.
I need to spend time with God.

I felt like sleeping.
I should not sleep.

I hate me.
I should not.
After all, no one ever hated his body, but he feeds and cares for it.
Love your neighbour as yourself.

I am a selfish, green-eyed monster, oblivious to surroundings, gossiper, killer of men, half-believer, stupid, helpless, useless person. Yup this is who I am/was, NOT what I am going to be.

Here I proclaim, I am going to be a holy moley person! Strict training will not come to waste.

kill be, burn me in the holy fire, refine me like silver and gold

blessed

2007-10-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

Although discouraged and hurt by this homosexual thing, and what people told me about this, God has really blessed me. Although I don't think I am any much with lesser sin or lighter sin in a sense, God still loves me and I think I am moving into His delight list. God has really blessed me with courage to face the future, interest in studying, favour with humans. Thank You Lord Jesus.

I feel that it is compulsory to go to EP everytime if I have nothing at all in that timing. Really feel very bad that I don't want to go, although I am very sure that I will benefit with every visit. Wahhhhhhhhh. Feel so forced.

:(

miracle service

2007-10-21T23:19:00.000+08:00

Love it. Never fail to have miracles as far as I know from the start. Got healing from God through a prophet although I slept through his sermon / testimony. My curved backbone is healed. Was slain after he prayed for me. Got that feeling that when your blood doesn't flow to some parts of your body for quite some time then you change your position in a way that blood can flow freely that some small things are moving around your body after I fell. The prophet asked me if I am healed. I said don't know. Then he replied, "You are standing straight now. You are healed!" I said that you and really felt that I was standing really straight. I did not have the uneasy feeling as last time when I was 'forced' to stand straight. Really great.
Requested for prophecy from another prophet. He prayed for me. I forgot what he said but I think it is about finding the answer out myself, not through him. Once again, I was slain. This feeling is nice haha. Love it. Thank you God for this and everything else.

Today, yyb service is all about inner healing. Did it. Felt very God. God loves and knows me! Gave me extreme comfort. Absolutely love this song that was composed by this worship leader from city harvest. Chinese Christian song. Extremely nice. Nice voice, nice composition-everything is nice. Praise the Lord!

Discouraged by this homosexual thing. There are friends who tell me they are against it like me. Some just said ok to go against it. Some say they are neutral-human rights. Some say they support it. Some say it will hurt people, tell me not to do it. Not against anyone here or the homosexuals out there, I am just disappointed with some of my friends. I don't hate them or cut my friendship with them, just that I feel that they don't understand. As what people say, hate the sin, not the sinner. God loves every single one of us. We are all His creation, but this is what God hates. It is stated in the bible. It is immoral. It hurts and kills. Knowledge is given to all of us that it is wrong. I know that temptation is hard to resist, but please seek help from church leaders if you want to change!

I pray that I will not be in jail because of this post.

all

2007-10-19T16:09:00.000+08:00

Lol got lots of things to blog about. I shall start from tuesday. We had this tpco amazing race thing and my group lost. Our group was the only group who couldn't complete all the questions. I finally realised the power of 4th dimension. The group who won had group members that were very confident of winning and proclaimed it. I was on the other hand, indifferent. That is the reason.
After that, some of us went to Carl's jr and eat. We did not eat steamboat as planned because of the extreme heavy rain.

The burger was so big. I thought it was ok until I was halfway through eating. I was already full by then. Had a hard time pushing it into my mouth and down to the stomach.

Wednesday, went to the dentist with my mom to confirm that I am NOT going for operation but braces only. Did lots of things. Didn't know putting on braces is a complicating thing. Had mould of my teeth, took photographs of it and then x-ray. Dentist said that my 2 upper and 2 lower teeth have to be plucked out! Wahhhhhh!!!
On the way to school at bedok mrt station, saw F.I.R's poster of their latest album. Suddenly, a song just came to me with these lyrics :
该抛开过去
是好是坏要放得开
往梦想的路没有想象中简单
我还要更勇敢
Realised my lack of skill in erhu. Cried because of that, because of unbelief that God can help me through it. Sorry God. Went home with that song in mind. Checked the entire lyrics of that song, Fly away. Cried again. Was ministered by God through the song. Gave me comfort. It is very funny that God ministers through not christian songs. Shall believe that it is true. Entire song goes like this:
清晨的微风如此的平凡看似简单
雾气驱散温柔的阳光中
慢慢醒了过来准备面对挑战

在新的世纪该抛开过去
是好是坏要放得开
往梦想的路没有想象中简单
我还要更勇敢

回忆就像漩涡它将我拉走
时间的钟响起我不该逗留

Fly Away 不管留下了多少眼泪
坚持下去的动力还在
Nothing I Will Be Afraid
Fly Away 不管未来有多困难
我仍然能感觉心跳还在
Nothing I Will Be Afraid

Thursday did spring cleaning and asset taking from 10 am to 9 pm, and still not done yet. My own spring cleaning at home is still not done yet lor. To think that a few days later school will start, feel quite tensed.
Just called the NDC for change of appointment but it is not possible. I have to miss school. Not excited about it at all.

Melissa grew so much in the Lord in just about a month. Paul grew a lot in the Lord in just a few days. What about me? Still battling with my mind eons after reading the battlefield of the mind for teenagers. I want a breakthrough. I know I will overcome!

host

2007-10-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

Now I realise what it feels like being a host. I am close to the guests, yet not close enough. To mix or not to mix, both also feels weird. Although they ask permission for using my computer, I feel so angry that they use it. I think my selfishness come up only when I am with people ba...I can see that I live in seclusion. Cannot talk, cannot communicate. Where there is people, they is rubbish. When it is my house, I feel damn pissed that guest don't throw their own rubbish. Just can't stay calm in this kind of situation. Very angry.

Extremely glad that I did some cleaning up in my hotmail account. Deleted about 17 pages of 25 emails each page on thursday. Although I spent almost the whole day clearing them, I still feel like I have accomplished something very big. =)

Just had a revelation when I was shitting. Your demons are like the blue black (baluku). When it is not exposed in the light, it becomes more covered and thus, invisible. As in on the outside, you look very pretty, but the inside is very demonic. When it is exposed in the light, it becomes visible and people might think that it is so dark. However, when inner healing is done and there is follow up, the blue black becomes less and less visible and eventually disappears. This is different from the demonic power that is covered up in that it doesn't hurt anymore. It is completely healed. When the blue black sinks in, it gets more and more painful as time goes by, although you don't see it. The demonic power grows stronger.

want to talk to God 1st than 1st thinking of other people to talk to

rebuke

2007-10-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

As time goes on, I find it harder to accept a rebuke. Hope the fire will still burn though. Also pray that God will give me the grace to overcome and believe. Lol had fun taking neoprints just a few hours ago.

life changed

2007-10-07T22:13:00.001+08:00

I declare here. My life's turning point is 6 oct 07, yesterday. I have realised lots of things within this short period of time. People who know me extremely well know I get moody very often. I realised this is always not how I am feeling at that time. Let me explain this further. I might be moody because I feel that no one cares about me, but that is not true. Then I used this moody face to control people to make them notice me and come and love me. Actually, there is no problem with me as in there is no long time hurt that needs healing etc. I think I have learned to snap out of it. Changing topic helps as I don't keep brooding on something that is not true. After I become happy, the sadness don't come back almost permanently. You know what I mean. I know it is actually me and not that I have background problems. I think I can play this game with God telling Him that I am so no happy and cry before Him. However, I think He will ignore me until I snap out of it because He knows I am mature enough and got to grow out of it. I got to know of someone with this case and a stern rebuke made her get out of it. I guess this is what I need to, but since I got 'case study', I am glad I can learn from it. This is a decision that I/we have to make: to get out of it. So why even play with moodiness when I know I will lose the game? Thank You Allos Parakletos, for explaining and giving me real life experiences with it.

I am so excited from don't know when. I long told many people that I am going to be an entrepreneur. However, I haven't told a lot of people that I have thoughts about it already. I thought of giving money away like there is plenty from where they come from, which is true in a sense because all are from God. I have made my plans. Half of what I earn shall be giving away to do God's good works. Half of the money I shall spend on myself and people who are close to me and save the rest. (so get close to me ar haha but if I know u love me for my future money I will kick you out of my sight lol). Yup, I shall be prosperous and successful. =D

Oh ya. Now I am doing my best to extend my friend circle in yahyobabes. I have decided: why settle for the second best when you can have the best? My close friend circle in yahyobabes. I know I might face a lot of problems with people like me since I don't really want to get close to people. However, I shall not give up and get moody, depressed and sad because of that. It is prophesied that I am an overcomer, and this I shall be. God will strengthen me and make sure my efforts pay off to make everyone a better person and yahyobabes a better place.

ooo growing very fast

bo chap

2007-10-05T16:17:00.000+08:00

This spirit is inside me long enough. Today, I really feel that it is getting worse. I could not communicate with God properly(not that I have done it properly before but today is the worst). My handwriting was extremely sloppy when my aunt asked me to write down some pointers to do the powerpoint slide. On the contrary, my sis handwriting was extremely nice and she wrote down the pointers faster than me even when writing so nice. This is solid proof of my extreme sloppiness. I am also so sian to do things that people 'force' me to do, even when there is an incentive. What the ... I couldn't be bothered about everything I do and I was thinking that is good. Because this is called giving them all to God and let Him do everything. I know this is extremely wrong. What should I do?

continue in prayer?

scary

2007-10-01T22:37:00.000+08:00

Today when I work up, my sister was watching tv already. Then I was watching and reading my bible alternately. It was kids central and obviously, all was in english. What is scary is that most of the time, I don't know what they were talking about. HELLO! Simple english leh! Damn scary, I thought that there was something wrong with me. After finished reading the bible, I was watching barbie the island princess. Well, I could understand all that was said. Of course I can right?
But I have been thinking...is it because I haven't finished reading the bible so my mind was closed? Because by right I should be able to understand. Freaky. Is it only me?

God can make you fail even if you can never fail by the logic of the human mind